Everything I Feared in Negotiating My First Salary… Happened

I was excited - we had just started talking about buying a home. But then...

Fight for your worth!

I ran the numbers. Filled out the loan paperwork.

The loan applications came back with bad news - The banks had higher than anticipated threshold on loan to salary ratio.

Long story short - We couldn’t afford it. Not in Chesterfield. Not with just my salary - at the time my husband was in school so we were surviving on my salary alone.

I brushed it off at first. Maybe we needed to wait. Not a big deal.

But then something happened.

My coworker overheard me mention the loan issue. He looked genuinely confused.

“You can’t qualify? I just bought a place there last year.” I knew his wife was a stay-at-home mom. So they were also a one-income household.

Something wasn't adding up.

So we did something most people avoid.

We talked about pay.

He was making $15,000 more than me. And $10,000 more in bonus.

Same title. Same team. Same scope.

My whole body buzzed with disbelief. I was being underpaid. Badly.

The next morning, I walked into my manager’s office and demanded he made it right.

I had fire in my chest and a giant lump in my throat.

He asked me what was going on.

I told him about what I had discovered.

And then everything I feared he’d say, he said.

“We’ve always been generous with you.”

“He came in from a competitor… and you didn’t negotiate when we hired you.”

“It’s not always just about the work. Sometimes it’s timing.”

"You know the company policy is not to discuss pay."

In other words: Sit down. Be grateful. And be thankful I am not firing you for breaking policy...

I walked out of his office humiliated, but also wide awake.

I realized how easy it was for smart, capable, high-performing women to get boxed in by polite silence and “grateful girl” conditioning.

How often we’re told:

• Don’t ask. You might lose the offer.

• Don’t push. You might seem ungrateful.

• Don’t compare. You don’t know the full story.

And yet—what happens when we do ask?

We’re labeled difficult. Emotional. Not a team player.

So we stay quiet. And we stay underpaid.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me:

You’re not crazy. You’re not greedy. You’re not overreacting.

You’re seeing the truth and it’s uncomfortable.

I didn’t negotiate that first time the way I should have.

But that moment was a huge turning point. That one incident rewired my brain. And I stopped waiting for someone to fix it.

Since then, I’ve helped hundreds walk into those same conversations prepared, confident, and clear on their value.

Because the only thing worse than being underpaid… is staying underpaid.

If you’re in that moment right now—here’s what I want you to know:

1. Talk about money. Silence keeps the pay gap alive.

2. Track your wins. Not your responsibilities. Your results.

3. Practice the ask. Saying the number out loud matters.

4. Anticipate their pushback. And have your calm, data-backed response ready.

5. Don’t wait to be “sure.” You don’t have to be 100% confident to start the conversation. Just willing.

   
   

Final Thoughts

What I have realized is that negotiation for yourself is not just about the money. It's about standing up for yourself. It’s about deciding that you’re no longer available for being underpaid or overlooked.

What I’ve also realized, looking back, is that I’m grateful I took that imperfect first step. It wasn’t polished. It wasn’t strategic. It definitely wasn’t how I would teach someone to negotiate today.

But it was honest and brave.

Fear has a way of convincing us to stay silent—to overthink, over-edit, and over-accommodate.

And yes, all the things I was afraid of happened.

The awkwardness. The pushback. The judgment.

But I survived it.

And more importantly got stronger because of it.

That one messy conversation became the foundation for every bold ask and every raise I’ve negotiated since.

And now, you have a choice.

You can keep quiet and keep hoping it’ll change on its own. Or you can speak up with a plan and with the belief that your work deserves to be paid accordingly.

And the best part? You don’t have to do it alone.

This is the moment everything shifts.

Let’s make sure your next ask changes everything.

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Reach out if you need to engage my help.