It’s 2 AM. You’re wide awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying every word you said in yesterday’s meeting. Did you sound competent? Did you really deserve to be there? Imposter syndrome thrives on these moments, making you question every accomplishment despite the evidence of your abilities.
This feeling is not uncommon, especially among high-achieving women.
How to conquer Imposter Syndrome?
There has been some debate on whether imposter syndrome is real or not. In this article we won't go into the debate. Let's go with Imposter thoughts or Imposter phenomenon. Psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes coined the term “imposter phenomenon” to describe the internal experience of feeling like a fraud despite true evidence of competence.
We all are aware of these thoughts. Those thoughts of feeling like a fraud are in fact real!
And guess what? Men experience it too. But women experience it in far bigger doses. Why? Perhaps because of our social programming and expectations placed on our gender on what is considered 'normal.'
So, how do we overcome it?
Stop the comparison
High-achieving women dismiss their accomplishments and instead compare themselves unfavorably to others. You see polished LinkedIn posts and confident colleagues without seeing their struggles. This comparison is unfair—you’re judging your inside against someone else’s outside. Don't feel bad. We all do it. But its critical to remember when we are doing it and asking ourselves to stop!
Instead be proactive. Keep a “brag file” of your successes—emails praising your work, positive performance reviews, or completed projects. When doubt creeps in, turn to this evidence to remind yourself that you’re not an imposter.
Know the root cause
It could be how you were raised. What expectations were put on you. What role you played in the sibling hierarchy. For example, some women grow up with the label of “sensitive” or “socially adept,” while a sibling is deemed the “intelligent” one. We all act the parts we were assigned.
Sometimes, we also fail to meet those expectations. Let's say you were often praised as “perfect” by your family. And every year, new standards were put on you on what perfect looks like. These standards, overtime, become impossible to achieve and so instead of feeling happy when you do accomplish something, you feel inadequate.
Sound familiar?
Cognitive behavior therapy is very effective in helping to understand where these feelings of inadequacy started and giving us tools to overcome.
Share it
Psychologists Clance and Imes found that imposter syndrome thrives in isolation. Self-doubt convinces you that you’re alone in your feelings. When women in therapeutic groups shared their imposter feelings, they were often relieved to find they weren’t alone. Talking about it helps reduce it's potency!
Keep Receipts
Research tells us that women (more often then men) with imposter syndrome/phenomenon tend to attribute their successes to external factors like luck or effort rather than inherent ability. This pattern reinforces the cycle of self-doubt.
Here's one thing you could do to get out of that cycle - When you receive praise, resist the urge to brush it off. Instead, practice simply saying, “Thank you, I worked hard on this.”
Meaning, collect evidence of your competence and pull it up as often as needed!
Embrace mistakes
Mistakes don’t mean you’re an imposter; they mean you’re human.
High-achieving women fear that making a mistake will “reveal” their fraudulence, perpetuating a cycle of anxiety and overwork. I promise you, you already work hard enough. You don't need to work harder. When a mistake happens, own it, say you’re sorry if needed, and focus on what you’ve learned. Keep it simple. Try not to ruminate.
In the end, conquering these thoughts aren't about not have self-doubt. It's about saying yes I have doubts, I know where they come from, and I also have the tools to move forward anyway. Research tells us that these feelings can be deeply rooted into our very being. May be another way of looking at it is if you are doubting yourself, you are challenging yourself into becoming more that what you are today?
Finally, when these thoughts creep up, remember to share them with trusted friends. When you know you have company, the experience becomes that much easier to handle!
Comments